I don't like change. I'm confident I'm not alone in saying such a thing. It disrupts something that is often precious, though sometimes change threatens something we don't want but we have been accustomed to. Change is scary because it calls a person to something new and different. There is no guarantee that the change is better. That is one reason why abused women hesitate to leave their spouses. It is why people would rather not seek treatment for serious medical issues then deal with a nagging cough, or persistent pain. Yet when we say we don't like change we often mean there are things we don't want to change and aren't happy if they do change. However, give us a situation we don't like and we'll be wracking our brains trying to figure out how to create change!
So we end up with 2 sides of a coin, both leading to discouragement. In one situation we don't want anything to change and it does. In the other we have a situation where we do want something to change and it remains the same. It is no secret to my friends that discouragement haunts me. I'm an extrovert that has changed into a introvert due to pressures and pain of life. Good things turn sour and I find it harder to open up and trust. I long for release from the stress and discouragement that plagues me and it rarely comes. I have brief moments when the sun shines in the dark and all seems right with the world. Yet it quickly fades and I find myself hiding so that more bad things don't happen to me.
I have often thought there is something wrong with me…that I am disappointing God by not handling the trials in my life with a more positive outlook and stronger faith. I would like to trust and believe he truly loves me and knows what is best, but I often struggle due to not understanding why pain and hardship have to remain as close as my shadow! I do eventually come to places when I'm able to look back and see the good things that have resulted from difficulty. Occasionally it helps in a dark place. Sometimes it doesn't. I have come to a place where I can find some comfort that a weak faith is still faith. And sometimes I think that it is more precious to God. In my times of doubt when I run to him and even question him - instead of forgetting him, instead of not interacting with him in my pain - it is then that I acknowledge there are things I need to get through my struggles that has to come from somewhere else. And even in those times it seems like I'm not receiving what I need, there is something that helps. That is what I remind myself in those times I can't see the good.
When we want change we can cling to hope for it when there isn't any to be found. This can prevent us from moving on to a safer place and can cause more pain. When we don't want change but it happens we can miss the blessings (even small ones) that are occurring when we only look at the loss. It's inevitable that change will happen, sometimes when we don't want it. It's also inevitable we will seek change and instead stay stuck in the same situation. I'm currently going through situations that have me on an emotional roller coaster. There is loss, resulting in sadness leading to fear. There are blessings that bring some relief - and yet I'm tempted to fear that the good things won't last. Why do the things I long to change stay difficult with no relief in sight and the things I wish to stay the same crumble like sandcastles pounding by waves?
My hope is that I'll be able to use my suffering to help others when they go through tough times. I don't know what's coming in the future but I keep trying to look for the good to help get through the rough times. I try to believe God is there doing something good in the midst of it all. Is there anything you've learned that helps you in difficult times? Feel free to share, it may help someone who reads your thoughts.
No comments:
Post a Comment